Giving meaning to life
and looking ahead
Helpful materials > Giving meaning to life and looking ahead
Dealing with cancer, can bring up a lot of different emotions and can cause people to reflect on their life. Sometimes, people will try to find something positive in their cancer experience. For example, some people have said that cancer led to improved relationships, made them appreciate the small things in life and led them to focus on things they really enjoyed. You may want to consider if dealing with cancer has led to any positive changes in your life? You may also want to think about things that you would like to do in the future. When thinking about the future, you might also want to consider planning your future care.
Here are the answers to 3 questions many people with cancer and their family caregivers have. These focus on emotions, meaning-making, goal setting, and advance care planning.
Question 1: How can we maintain a positive attitude?
Firstly, you don’t always have to be positive. People will often tell you that you must ‘stay strong, be positive and keep on fighting’ but, it’s okay to take some time to express your anger, grief and fear with each other. This is just as important as trying to stay positive.
Some people believe that your attitude or outlook can have an impact on how your cancer will progress. This is not true. However, adopting a positive attitude can benefit your quality of life and can help you to make the most of each day.
Below are some tips to help you develop and maintain a positive outlook.
Surround yourself with positive people
(and minimise time with negative people): you probably know people who can always put a smile on your face, relieve some of your burden or, are always there for you. Try to spend as much time as possible with people who make you feel good and minimise the time you spend with people who can have the opposite effect on you.
Learn to reframe
even though you can’t change your situation, you can change how you think about it. Maybe dealing with the cancer has helped to bring you closer to your loved ones? Or you feel like you are making the most of each day? Maybe you met some new people because of your cancer experience? In times of stress or, when you are feeling down, try to reframe how you are thinking about things. Try to look for a silver lining, no matter how small these may be.
Enjoy your passions
Try to change your focus so that you are not always thinking about the cancer and instead, consider the things that make you happy. Is it spending time with people? Is it a hobby? You can even think about things that you’ve always wanted to try but never got around to. It’s never too late to try something new.
Do the things that you want to do
Nobody knows what you need or want more than you do. You should spend time doing the things that you want to do and don’t just do things because someone tells you to!
Connect with people who are going through the same experience as you
There are many people in a similar situation to you. You might find it helpful to talk to them about your shared experience. You can talk to the FOCUS+ nurse about local support groups or check the links in chapter 5 to identify support groups that may help you both.
Positive Living
The Marie Keating Foundation has launched a Positive Living programme for men and women living with metastatic cancer. The programme includes free six-week courses that are led by local experts that provide resources and support for people with metastatic cancer.
All courses and seminars are free to attend but registration is essential.
For more information, you can visit their website: https://surviveandthrive.ie/coping-psychologically/positive-living/
Phone: 01 6283726
Email: info@mariekeating.ie
Being told that you have cancer can influence how you think about the future. Some people may want to take things easy, while others will want to get the most out of each day.
Receiving a cancer diagnosis does not mean that you cannot live a meaningful life. You can still set goals for yourself, though you may want to adjust them somewhat.
To help you feel that you are living with purpose, you may want to think about things that you want to do or achieve. Here are some tips which may help you to set realistic goals for yourself.
Set a goal that will motivate you and will give you satisfaction. If people around you tell you ‘to get out more’, but you don’t feel the need to do this, then you’re probably not motivated to reach that goal.
Write your goals down. You are much more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down.
Set SMART goals. When you set a goal for yourself, be sure to always be:
Specific: be clear in what you want to do or achieve.
Measurable: if you add a measurable component to your goal, your goal will become clearer (e.g. go for a 1 km walk every week).
Attainable: make sure it is within your capabilities.
Relevant: your goal should be something that you want to achieve and that is relevant to you!
Time-bound: set a timeframe in which you want to achieve your goal (e.g. I want to visit the coast within the next four weeks).
Question 2: How can we give meaning to our lives?
Therefore, it may be a good idea to take some time and consider what you would like to happen. Advance care planning may involve you thinking about and discussing where you would like to live if your health deteriorates in the future and how you would like to be cared for. For example, some people prefer to stay at home or to move in with family, while others prefer to be in a hospital. Advance care planning will also help you to think about the different treatment options that may be available to you, and any practical concerns you may have.
No one is obliged to carry out advance care planning. However, some people find it useful, and it can be started whenever you like. Starting this process should not be seen as losing hope, but rather preparing for the future in a way that ensures that your wishes are known. Many people will change their minds and adapt their wishes from time to time. Therefore, it can be useful to start thinking about these things sooner rather than later.
To help you get started with advance care planning, we’ve listed some of the steps in the process. We know that some people may find this process difficult. You can follow the steps together, or you can involve the FOCUS+ nurse or talk to another health care professional who can help to guide you.
Step 1: Reflect together
Consider some of the following questions:
What are the most important things in your life? Things that you would not want
to do without (e.g., my pets, my hobbies, seeing my family every weekend, etc.).
When you think about the future, what causes you the most concern? What
would you rather did not happen?
Do you have experience of someone close to you getting very sick or dying? Try
to reflect on this experience and ask yourself, what could have been improved? Is there something you want or don’t want to happen to you based on this experience?
How would I like to be looked after if my condition were to get worse?
Are there specific treatments that I do NOT want?
Under what circumstances would I want or no longer want specific treatments?
Who will make decisions for me if I am no longer able to?
Where do I want to be when the end approaches?
Do I want to stay at home or somewhere else (for example in a hospital, care
home or hospice)? Is there anything that would change my mind about this decision?
Step 2: Talking to others
Now that you have taken time to consider your future care and what matters most to both of you, you need to decide who else to talk to about your preferences. These can be relatives, friends, or your GP, your cancer specialist, or any other healthcare professional. You can tell them as much or as little as you like. Remember that giving them information about your wishes will help them if they ever need to make decisions on your behalf regarding your future care.
Step 3: Recording your wishes
Talking to each other about health care is very important. You may also be concerned that, at some point, you will no longer be able to manage your own financial affairs. If this is the case you can set up a Power of Attorney. This is a legal document that allows you to nominate someone to manage your affairs for you should you not be able to do it yourself.
TIP!
Make copies of your advance care documents and share them with your GP, oncologist, solicitor and a family member or friend.
Do you want to know more about early care planning?
More information on Financial planning can be found here: https://www.cancer.ie/about-us/cancer-resources-publicationscoping-with-cancer-resources
Planning your future care can be difficult but it can also give you a feeling of control over your life and your future. Advance care planning (ACP) is all about considering and planning for your future, including your care in the final stages of life. Advance care planning can help you to talk to each other about the things that are important to you. It can also help you to think about what you would like to happen if you are no longer able to make decisions for yourself. The purpose of advance care planning is to make it easier for both you and your health care professionals to make decisions about your future care. It is a process that allows you to communicate your wishes about your future care. Advanced care planning helps to ensure that the care you receive will, as far as possible, respects your wishes.